Passing On Our Own Pain

“We do the hard work of peaceful parenting so we don’t pass our own pain down to our children.”  – Sarah Rosensweet

No matter how well-intentioned or lovely our parents are, most of us have some childhood wounds.

No matter how privileged we are, most of us have experienced pain and suffering. 

No matter how aware we are, most of us are not very good at meeting our own needs. 

Childhood wounds, our own struggles, and our own unmet needs are often at the root of the triggers we experience as parents. Our children are uniquely situated to hold up a metaphorical mirror for us to show us what we need to work on. 

After working with me to make their family lives easier and more joyful so many parents say, “This work isn’t even about my kids! It’s all about me!”

This is the big secret of doing this peaceful parenting work. (Not so secret anymore I guess!) 

The hard work of peaceful parenting is that we look at our triggers and try to heal them.

We try to discover and heal our childhood wounds and take care of ourselves.

We try to be compassionate with ourselves in the face of pain and suffering.

We try to put ourselves on our to-do list and meet our own needs. 

If we don’t? It’s likely that we will continue to be triggered by our children. When we are triggered, we unintentionally cause pain. 

If we don’t want to pass our own pain on to our children, we need to show up every day and try to be peaceful and use the tools and regulate ourselves. We are honest with ourselves about our responsibilities in our relationship with our children. We try to be aware of where our triggers are coming from and heal them. 

As many parents have discovered, peaceful parenting work is about US. It’s also HARD. And it’s also worth it! I believe in you. You can do this!