You’re On Fire, It’s Fine: Teens and Big Feelings: Episode 217

In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I speak with Katie K. May, a licensed therapist and author of the book You’re On Fire. It’s Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens With Self-Destructive Behaviors. We discussed children/teens who are “fire feelers”, why intense emotions can lead to risky behaviours, how to respond to self-harm urges, how to stay connected or rebuild your connection with your teen, and what parents of younger children can do now to prevent challenges in their teen years.

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We talk about:

• 00:05 — What Is a Fire Feeler?
• 00:06 — What Emotional Dysregulation Really Means
• 00:07 — Fire Feelers Often Have Fire-Feeler Parents- Genetic and Environmental Components
• 00:10 — Why Teens Are So Easily Overwhelmed
• 00:12 — What Fire Feelers Do When Overwhelmed
• 00:20 — How Parents Should Respond to Self-Harm Urges
• 00:22 — When to Get Professional Help
• 00:24 — Why Depression Looks Different in Teens
• 00:25 — Teens Still Need Their Parents
• 00:26 — How to Stay Connected to Teens
• 00:28 — Judgment vs Validation
• 00:31 — How to Rebuild Connection When Things Are Broken- Katie’s Hierarchy of Connection 
• 00:34 — Sensitivity & Impulsivity
• 00:35 — What Parents of Younger Kids Can Do Now
• 00:37 — Why Control Works When Kids Are Young — and Fails Later
• 00:38 — Why “Tough Love” Doesn’t Work

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